Sometimes I am unpredictable even to myself. I think that’s quite funny. When I changed my habits in spending a lot of time in SL to hardly being in SL, I expected that would be over soon again due to missing it too much. That still did not happen however and it makes me wonder why an attraction and sometimes even addiction in my case can be so easily overruled by what we call Real Life. I think it has to do with wanting to prevent to feel LOW during the absence of my husband for 6 months. Online existence can be very inspiring and nice when a RL is not bothered by too much worries or other triggers. SL is a perfect place to unwind in such a case.
No one there
My RL however would be pretty quiet when I would stick to the online existence in the same pace and amount of time. And with quiet I mean very quiet and a bit lonely when I would mainly keep myself occupied in a virtual way. No one walks in at 4 in the afternoon for that RL coffee together. No one tells me the RL dinner was nice. No one sits together with me to enjoy a RL talk with sound, face to face mimics and body language. No one laughs with me about the cat, no one kisses goodnight, no one says goodbye in the morning, no one makes a fuss about ANYTHING (even that I miss) and no one cares if I decide to vacuum the house in the middle of the night (which is quite convenient actually, but to show there is a lot of SILENCE).
The silence medicin
I can be alone very well and even like to be alone from time to time. But when it is every day and cannot be changed you feel a bit isolated and strange, that’s a fact. I decided to not change dinner habits and just eat it outside in the veranda like always. But it’s totally boring and my meal time is shorter than ever. For the record . . . I am not feeling sad or lonely at all, but to be sure that will not change I seem to have taken my precautions and keep myself busy with countless things that break the silence in and around the house. This means I am gone a lot. Visiting friends, events, helping with a house being prepared for someone to move in there, ‘babysitting’ a nephew of 8 years, workaholic modus in the garden, attending whatever events and much much more which makes my days and time fly away fast and with a good vibe to have been social, useful, busy and happy.
I notice this also has an extremely good effect on the fears I often face. I have pushed myself into a higher level of RL social activity and feel very happy to lose fears in a way I did not experience for a long time. I still have a healthy food thing going on as well, which energizes me even more. So for now I see a lot of positive effects, but I also realize I am very much putting an effort to make it work for me and in that way maybe put a bit pressure on things based on fears to go into a LOW mood. So my strategy now is to prevent that by keeping a very active RL. I apparently do not trust SL to be enough satisfying and compensating for such a thing. Maybe because virtual existences and connections lack something essential only RL can provide: the boost of feeling rewarded by real time, interactive human encounters our avatars never can totally compete with? Avatars have this virtual shell, creating an extra space between 2 persons, a virtual interconnectivity without the touch and feel of a human actually being present in the same room as your computer is.
And how about the virtual friends
It does not mean I forget my virtual friends and do not value their friendship and love. Of course I do. But for now I feel safer, happier and more stable in my RL occupations. I hope when all is back to normal here, I will regain some of my virtual habits, but I realize it also is possible it will not go back to how it used to be, with quite some hours SL per day. If you would have asked me in March this year if I would be happy with very little SL hours per week (not even sure if I can call it hours . . .) I would have said NO! Now I see how a mind really can be reset into another kind of perception, but I think it is a healthy change and not something to worry about at all :)
Addiction to RL
I wave to all friends who maybe wonder if I decided to leave SL :) I will not, but I also will not leave RL so much anymore for the time being. Be well all with your creative work, friends, chats, lovers, exhibitions and shoppings. One day I may be addicted again . . . or not :) Addiction not to be read as a judgement btw. Addictions ruining a person are bad. Addictions feeding your wellbeing are totally OK. That’s the kind of addiction I had in SL. Now I have a RL addiction. My computer barely survives me with all my appointments, activities and things to do. Poor Mac :)