Mind the gap

Intro

Gone for Good (French: “Disparu à jamais”) is a 2021 French-language series created by David Elkaïm and Vincent Poymiro, based on Harlan Coben’s 2002 novel with the same title. I started watching it today at Netflix. And sometimes you just know a series does it for you right away . . . . grabbing your mind. For me that often also has to do with the music choice somehow, which, if done well, adds an extra dimension to the story. Because when a story and music speak each others language you feel drawn into it more. A song can add extra layers to a scene by touching the feelings behind it in a deeper way. The ‘Gone for good’ series  has music like that. It makes you want to check the music after watching an episode. It makes you want to read the lyrics and listen to the full track. So, here we go:

Storyline:

Guillaume Lucchesi thought he had drawn a line under the terrible tragedy of seeing the two people he loved most die: Sonia, his first love, and Fred, his brother. Ten years later, Judith, his new lover, suddenly disappears. To find her, Guillaume will have to face all the truths hidden by his family and friends, as well as the ones he’d decided to ignore. For better, but mostly for worse.

 

Trailer:

Music Episode 1:

Song: Listen on:
A World Alone – Lorde
Timestamp: 0:00 | Scene: Song is heard at the beginning of the episode. Two girls are dancing on the lawn. They are being watched by Guillaume.
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St. Matthew Passion, BWV 244: 1. Chorus with chorale – Gerd Türk
Timestamp: 0:05 | Scene: Song is heard during the funeral.
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Call Me – Joon Moon
Timestamp: 0:11 | Scene: Fred watches Nora getting into a car. Guillaume stands on the balcony in the evening and smokes a cigarette.
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Celebrer – Adam J Malionfsky
Timestamp: 0:21 | Scene: Song can be heard in the market. Guillaume tries to talk to Issac.
Nowhere To Go – Lena Deluxe
Timestamp: 0:24 | Scene: Guillaume and Nora walk to an abandoned house. Guillaume shows Nora the young people who live on the street.
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Lascars Flow – Jerome Raineri, Jimmy Delsart amazon logo
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Source: soundtrack radar

Everyone’s nightmare?

I guess it is  . . .
To face the disappearance of someone you care for without any clue on why and how is a horrible thing.
Losing someone is horrible anyhow, but it helps to know a reason and it helps to know if someone is still alive or not.
People with losses like that never really can end something in the story with this person. You always stay between fear and hope. You always will keep looking because not doing so feels like unforgivable and impossible. Needing answers for closure is essential, to at least know if it makes sense to say farewell or to keep searching. Simply said it matters to have a body to bury, to feel able to say goodbye. Without that the ‘what if’ scenario’s stay active. You never know if a miracle happens. There are examples of reunions after many many years that make you want to believe it could happen to you as well. Never give up hope is a torture and lifesaver both in such situations.

Cyberspace disappearances

Second Life and likewise cyberspace realities can easily become a ‘Gone for good’ as well. Simply because in many cases we do not always share our full RL data. We protect our privacy, accept others protect theirs as well, but this can lead to unexplained disappearances when something unexpected happens to the person we are connected with in that way. Getting ill provides time to inform someone about that. Dying in a traffic accident does not. It will not happen often, but the fact it IS a possibility does give a sense of fear, right? To hopefully not be the one who is left into an endless silence without clues.

 

It made me take some precautions on my side in RL, but I am aware that will not always be so easy to do for everyone most likely, depending on how secret a certain connection is. Plenty forbidden ones in that I am sure. But yes I left instructions for my RL husband in case I would suddenly be gone and having had no chance to say goodbye to a few close contacts in Second Life. I dislike the idea to leave them into that ‘having to guess what could have happened scenario’.  Especially the one I dedicate my heart to and share love with should not have to go through such a nightmare of not knowing what is going on. And also a few friends I just like to be informed when shit happens to me. To not cause unexplained gaps.

 

But yes, like I said, that needs a form of approval of having a virtual relation with someone (when married like I am) and it needs trust that having access to certain information (email addresses and such) will be handled with care. That means it only will be used when needed and without neglect to anyone. I consider myself lucky to have been able to make such an arrangement, just in case. I see no difference in the importance of that with RL honestly, because human interactions stay human, with the same values, also when they exist mainly or only in virtual space.  I hope my emergency instructions never will  have to be executed however. A personal goodbye (or a personal preparation for an expected goodbye) always is better :)

What if Second Life would vanish  . . .

Yes, what if Second Life would disappear tomorrow, unexpected and no idea if it ever would return. What if the whole damn Internet would go down even?  What would happen with the many people who all carefully protected their identity for good and acceptable reasons, meaning no other information except the avatar name (be it in Second Life, Skype, Facebook, or wherever). Would people regret they were protective with each other? Would they try to find the one they suddenly lost? Would someone start an offline platform for people to find each other back along that way? And how would that platform find its way to all others elsewhere on the world with no Internet? I am sure most of us would try something. Because no one likes to be cut off like that and have no idea on why and how. But see what it would create? Millions of gaps  . . .

 

It reminds me of another very good series, from HBO, which showed how compelled people were to find a way of coping with the sudden disappearance of their loved ones and which I also blogged about: THE LEFTOVERS. The various coping strategies people showed were interesting: some accepted and tried to move on, others were ruined for life and unable to move on. Some tried to find out what happened endlessly, others went into atonement and guilt. One thing they had in common: they all lacked loved ones leaving an unexplained gap. No wonder people start to fill in a gap when left in total silence and no clues. Because they need to be able to make some sense of it to be able to accept a gap. Hence the title of this blog: Mind the gap  . . .

Did I ever lose someone this way?

Thank God no. And I also hope to never have to face that. So in that perspective it maybe makes no sense to worry about it, but I am a better safe than sorry person and just feel more calm with having taken measures on my side. What other people do is their choice and business of course. It does make me feel safe and happy however to see the one I love actually pop up in the several virtual /digital spaces we use. Like a little life sign. I also am happy to not have to rely on Second Life only for that myself. To have multiple channels of interaction which all have their own charm and ways of intimacy and connecting.  So, despite the more protected character often of virtual connections, they do have the option to use multiple channels, meaning that if the use of one channel drops out, there always is another channel to go to, IF no nightmare scenario being the cause of dropping out.

 

And yes, I guess sometimes also ghosting or whatever they call it will happen in (virtual) connections, with a complete disappearance of all contact options back. Maybe someone taking a new identity to escape a responsibility. Choosing an easy way out to not have to explain. I wonder how that works with being able to not feel guilty? Or maybe they rather feel guilty than having to explain and argue? But for sure, to deliberately put someone in a nightmare scenario is a really horrible thing to do. It never happened to me, but I can imagine it must be devastating when it concerns a person you shared love with or at least thought you shared love with. Some form of communication is needed to get a better sense on the why. Only when such a communication results in an endless and bigger drama than there already was I tend to say it is better to cut it off yes. But you at least had a chance to communicate and be witness of that being helpful or making it worse.

I rather lose myself  . . .

Yes, losing myself into someone is a nicer way of disappearing.
That’s what love is all about anyway is it not?
And yup  . . . . I still do so with the one I talked about a few times.
He can disappear as well sometimes actually.
In silence . . .
Or . . . .  in me . . .  ; )
Quite different ways, yes, I know  . . .
Maybe that’s what keeps us balanced ; ))
Disappearing without really vanishing completely has this strange effect on longing for the other more.
It matters anyhow to not measure love on a regularity in presence, a quantity in time and routines.
The quality of time spent together and the quality of mind shared together is what counts.

But if you are in the sad situation of love having ended for reasons you do not know and understand, or even worse, having had no option to communicate on it, this song probably matches your feelings. Sad lyrics, beautiful song.

You looked away when I call out
Didn’t wanna meet my eye
Knowing that we should’ve died
All I want is forever
To last a little while
Oh, why won’t you call me yours, tonight
Like you used to do?
‘Cause there’s still love in life
Say we’re not done
Why won’t you just say
We’re still one?
Love cannot wait
Call me yours
Take it or leave it
Take it or lose me now
I saw your face in the mirror
Your cheek next to mine
Wishing you were still around
How I long to give you
All that you desire
Oh, why won’t you call me yours, tonight
Like you used to do?
‘Cause there’s still love in life
Say we’re not done
Why won’t you just say
We’re still one?
Love cannot wait
Call me yours
Take it or leave it
Take it or lose me now
Oh, why won’t you call me yours, tonight
Like you used to do?
‘Cause there’s still love in life
Say we’re not done
Why won’t you just say
We’re still one?
Love cannot wait
Call me yours
Take it or leave it
Take it or lose me now
Say we’re not done
Why won’t you just say
We’re still one?
Love cannot wait
Call me yours
Take it or leave it
Take it or lose me now
Take it or leave it
Take it or leave it
Lose me now
Take it or leave it
Take it or leave it
Lose me now
Take it or leave it
Take it or leave it
Lose me now

Last but not least

Watch those series if you can ; ))
Unless you dislike the subject and the psychology behind why people act like they act. I always adore that clearly. Gives me insight in how my logic is not necessarily the other person’s logic as well. And explains why we often act different in a similar situation, not always understanding each other in that. Maybe we cannot and also need not to always understand all?  But that’s hard yes. On the other hand, just taking things as a fact (accept) can be easier than not understanding a reason or when given no reason at all.

 

Sometimes it maybe is enough or wiser to understand and accept that not everyone is the same and that not everyone will act like you would wish them to act. I always think many people would wish me to act different than they do themselves, especially where it concerns being a more social person. Maybe they are not telling me how they would want me to act different because they want to respect my choice or need. Maybe they are afraid to mention it. I might bite?  ^^ Maybe they don’t mention it because they know it’s useless to try to change that. Maybe they are totally okay with it, also just possible. Or maybe they are grateful, because it feels good to have it as gossip subject. What do I know  . . . .  All I know is we often just feel most comfortable with allowing ourselves and being allowed by others to just live our life with our own quirky behaviours, as long as they are not harmful for others. That last aspect makes all the difference for behaviours to be acceptable or unacceptable.

 

Now disappears into her bed.
Into dreams I will forget again.
As if they have no access to my long term memory.
As if they are made to be unable to miss  . . .
As if they are meant to always vanish.
Leaving no clues on why they came to kiss me goodnight, only showing what ‘s inside.
Invisible but very present influencers.
Ewwww influencers, the fake new job of the world  . . . .
But no, my dreams are influencers of the better kind. They don’t ASK attention but GIVE attention to all I experience and feel.
And only dreams can reach all I harbour inside and make me aware of what needs care and attention on my side of the line.

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