Changes

I am not particularly good at dealing with big changes that come unexpected. Having no time to prepare myself for something with a big mental impact simply is not always easy.  It causes stress and feelings of not knowing what it will be like the next day, week, month or year. But I am good at surviving big changes. Nope, that’s not the same as being able to deal with these changes very well.  The word surviving already should tell you it needs conscious efforts a lot and that means it is not a matter of dealing with it in an easy way, more in a struggling way. Part of me dislikes struggles, part of me does not. A life going easy on all that happens feels like not very deep somehow to me. Not meaning to say everything therefore has to be a struggle, but I do think we as humans learn most from challenges that put us to the test and thus can be helpful sometimes. To see how far we can stretch it, where our boundaries are and how much effort we like to put into something or someone if we believe it to be worth that effort. We often only know if it was worth it when the challenges and changes either reward or beat us. When rewarded we feel grateful for our own perseverance. When beaten we tell ourselves to have been a fool. I think however it is ok to sometimes being beaten by a challenge of changes. Because if you look closer at being beaten it also ‘rewards’ you. It won’t feel great no, but you do have knowledge for instance on what not to do (anymore). Your efforts took all space and that space becomes available again to focus on what you need right here and now to move on. Efforts never are futile in that perspective, only educational. It still sucks of course, your efforts leading you to the insight that precisely those efforts won’t do the job. A raspberry award kind of thing  . . .

Pandemic

The last few weeks I felt a bit beaten, feeling low. No mood for things that normally cheer me up. No mood for Second Life. No mood for socialising at all except with maybe 2 close friends. No mood to listen to music. No mood to read. Not depressed or something that should really concern me, but yes, low . . . I would call it apathetic. And all a bit on autopilot so to speak. Doing what has to be done, but no real involvement in it. I think the Covid pandemic began to kick in a bit finally. The endless stream of negative news somehow hit a nerve suddenly. Not the social distancing. That’s my default mode in general and fits me very well. But the riots, stress and aggression increasing in society, people in mental distress more and more with sometimes desperate situations, the disgusting fights over vaccines, the tiring numbers every day on how many infections, mutations and deaths. The whole world is occupied by Covid. Je suis Covid, something like that. It made me want to zap away from the news and other media. It made me avoid to talk on the subject. Seeking distracting with being numb by watching movies more in the evenings and not having to think too much on Covid or watch the news too much.

Covid changed most people’s life dramatically and maybe forever in many cases. The idea we will be back to what we like to call normal seems like believing in Utopia to me. We never will be back to what we used to call normal. How can we? We have to be aware of the world’s heartbeat staying affected by what happened and still is happening. Economically, mentally and socially we are facing big changes with uncertain outcomes. Everyone knows or should know that this will have a long lasting impact. Not necessarily all bad, but most definitely not easy either. To cope with that I have to stick to being positive and accept necessary/essential changes as a challenge to get things done. That’s better than wasting time on what cannot be changed back and maybe also should not be changed back. There will be a lot of people needing extra care and help. Plenty work to do . . .  for who wants and can.

Focus

Because I was done with feeling low I decided to actively shift my focus on things of which I know they make me happy. To break the spell of negativity surrounding me. Not because I am in denial of the deadly character and serious threat of Covid. But because I think we need positivity to survive better when a challenge needs a long breath and to be prepared better for what still is to come. More spirit, more energy, more mind power. Because we are more than just Covid. In my case I know I always feel or become happy when I can do something creative and /or helpful. Things like writing, photoshop or fiddle with new software and skills and such. Helping others with whatever they need help with.

It turned out I found pleasure in redesigning a very old website of mine. Not this one, but a really old one dating back to 2007. It was a plan already for 10 years or so to do this, but there were several reasons it did not happen. I still was too troubled with managing my own issues and I was done with responsibilities the site generates as well (the site aims to help people with a serious mental health disorder). When things finally got better with me I was too busy enjoying to have my life back. The site serves a great deal of people however and deserves my attention now to improve that. And since I am sure I will stay okay myself regarding the former issues (I just know I will), I feel energy and have time and mood to do so. I want to make it a success and will do all I can do to get there. A challenge, but one I like and can do.

Check, check, double-check:

So I started with preparations on that last week and am all into it, with much pleasure. Interesting how a change of focus indeed changes a mood. It made me listen to music again as well. I even feel different in how I sleep, eat and love, both in SL and RL. Hard to explain. But something like ‘Let it Be’ and ‘Go for it’.  And do it all with the joy of creating something useful. Day by day, moment by moment, not in any rush, but more like having a crush on it and moving me forward. I go to bed with a smile and wake up with a smile. Sunshine in a mind helps to help others better too and that is what will be a goal this year clearly with renewing the old website and make it a better and more helpful platform.

Yeah, let it be, let it be
Let it be, yeah, let it be
There will be an answer, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Let it be, yeah, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom
Let it be

Credits for the music I used in the video Check, check, double-check: