Hitler in your heart

The dark force in us

We all have a shadow side, a dark force, according to Carl Gustav Jung and I can only agree on that. That’s why this blog starts with a shadow song from Antony and the Johnsons: hitler in my heart. Please listen and read the lyrics below before continuing to read the rest of this blog.



Hitler in my heart

As I search for a piece of kindness
And I find Hitler in my heart

And he is whispering
“As sure as love will spring
From the Well of Blood in Vain, oh Jew!
The Well of Blood in Vain!”
La la la la la la

And I fell into a deeper precipice
With mouths of rapists
Jaws dropped down
Jaws dropped down
Jaws dropped

Don’t punish me
For wanting your love inside of me
Don’t punish me
For wanting your love inside of me

And I find Hitler in my heart
From the corpses flowers grow

And I find Hitler in my heart
From the corpses flowers grow

And I find Hitler in my heart
From the corpses flowers grow
Flowers grow
From the corpses flowers grow
Flowers grow


Meet my hitler and I will meet yours or vice versa

That’s pretty much how it works. If someone shows a dark side to another, the receiver will show one back in most cases, unless there already were so many confrontations there has grown a certain immunity for such triggers. Last week I faced 2 little hitlers (yes in Second Life) who will call me a little hitler as well obviously. That’s always the most interesting thing of confrontations, the different view on who is to blame and who started with being a hitler and if it was justified to act like one.  If being a hitler can be justified at all is another question. . . , maybe better to speak of explaining and understanding such an act after all war dust has touched the ground again. You even could question maybe if being a hitler (not HITLER) deserves a blame or some sort of empathy, due to the maybe sad or sensitive cause of needing it, but that part I will skip for now.  Fact is, the hitlers inside of us all can create war zones. Some will last a minute, some will last years or, worst case scenario forever. Hmm, last thing is exceptional I think, even when we can use words to make clear the other person is on the puke bucket list and never will leave that list.



War methods

There are different war methods being used and I have my own preferences and views on them. When I limit it to Second Life and virtual worlds and social media I think 2 methods are very common:


  • The first one is the private war method via IM/ Messenger, e-mails, notecards etc. No one knows, except the few persons involved and maybe some friends who are informed of it, but not active in the war itself.


  • The second one is using the public arena like local chat, blogs, flickr pics and comments, facebook pics and comments, etc.


The difference is clear. With the second method you also involve other people in the war zone without asking and mostly not to their likings. The second one is less chic and appropriate in many ways, I can agree on that, despite sometimes doing it.


I do however see valid reasons to use the second method in certain cases. The thing with private wars is this: people can build a facade of innocence and being the reasonable person to the world around them, yet be evil in private to persons they do not like. It leaves the one being their ‘casualty of war’ behind with a big issue of frustration and unfairness, especially when the evil presents itself with hostile acts that really are not ok and not shared with a public to keep up appearances of acting nice.


In my case I was banned for no good reason at a certain place. The reason given was I never talked and therefore also no acces to that place anymore. The no talk reason *for a non-friended contact* was so ridiculous it made my blood boil. For me it is a fake reason, not daring to tell the real reason that will show a darker side in that other person towards me. The hitler stays well hidden like that, while I know it is there.


The other case concerns a former friend who suddenly started to call me a bad friend with no empathy, an evil mind and hanging around with bad groups. I still wonder what groups, because I am a group hater pur sang, . . . hence me rarely joining groups on Flickr because it all is too much about please and be pleased for my taste and also in Second Life I live a remote life with just a few good friends.  All these accusations never have been explained to me and no apology either, but that last thing often is more symbolic than true anyway, and I am always more interested in a WHY to understand.


So, when you try to get sense in IM, mail or whatever in a private way and all is being denied or painted over with some soft pastel layer as if nothing was said or done, or even no answer at all, then no other options are left than to either leave all behind and digest the shit, or choose to show your backbone and fight back for a form of justice and understanding. Not necessarily reconciliation needed as well.  The second option always will be my choice when the trigger activates hurt/ anger/ sadness in some way.


I think it often is not even a choice, but a reflex on a trigger being stronger than rational logic and calm reflection when in that moment of activation. It can lead to a huge confrontation or a small one, but either of them solves the issue. I do not mind that so much, because what matters more at such a moment is to show the world there is something not ok and to also show the world I will not accept that without resisting and opposing to it and want answers why someone acts like he or she acts. The downside is that the way of asking it can be poor when the trigger activated a strong emotion, but I still find the not being reasonable from the other party a solid reason to not be saint Mary at that moment myself.


Drama lama

Yes the famous drama in Second Life always is born this way. But you can wonder if it always is drama or a reasonable yet spicy quest for justice. The reason people call all confrontations drama en the one shouting being the drama lama, is because mostly there is a strong emotional impulsive response which can result in shouting, aggressive words and a highly explosive atmosphere.  An eruption as you please. When the person at who the drama lama is shooting his or her arrows at stays calm in local chat, uses the strategy of the reasonable face and being a victim who is not and never to blame, the perfect cover up of that persons shadow side is being created. Mind you  . . . .  the one that triggers via IM, can use that strategy far more easy than the one who is being triggered. Some can do that very well (iron ladies and men) and maybe I even admire them for that, because it sure as hell makes life easier when you ‘wear’ the ‘Innocence and Reason’ tag on your head. Such people are good in collecting silent supporters who only see that ‘innocence and reason’ tag and never will feel tempted to resist. The flock follows wherever you go. Even if you show it by accident, a dark glimpse of yourself, the flock will be easily convinced it was the other inflicting that in you. Flocks like safety more than some disturbance to provide safety for a single member seeking for help in another direction than the usual one. Handy for their accepted shepherd, I agree. But it sucks when  the other direction is being devalued as a no go zone instead as optional path worth to be explored as well. Some minds have control over all emotions and play their chess as a master of games, other minds have less control and like to mess up the chess board when fair play is absent.  I don’t need a shrink to know I am less controlled, but I still like peace much more than any war.


No denial

I never will deny my dark sides, because they will show up once in a while. I can regret them when it is present in a very powerful way,  but I will not excuse myself for it to the ones who face it when I have a sincere believe in their little hitler being worse than mine, especially when it is hidden so well.  I WILL excuse to the ones I involve unwanted. I know I cannot expect loyalty or support when I misbehave in their opinion and that’s fine. No hard feelings, we all make mistakes.  The denial of dark sides, our shadows, is a strange phenomena to me. As if people really believe they have no evil inside and all shit can be blamed on others. To say . . I NEVER did bad things is like telling me you are the newborn Jesus who will save the world with all its goodness and peace inside. In that case I am God, shaking his head to see another false prophet jumping around at our planet. Welcome to the MESSIAH complex, a widely spread shadow.


Source: http://highexistence.com/carl-jung-shadow-guide-unconscious/


Black sheep rock

I adore black sheep, whistleblowers, protestors, activists, political incorrect anarchists, swimmers against mainstream and people who dare to stand up for any kind of justice. When it is for others I even totally love them and want to be like them. When we stand up for ourselves in a certain case we are at risk to be called selfish, stupid, victim addict, peace disturber, happy family spoiler and boring attention seeker. But imagine a world of no questions asked, of no confrontations in a public arena. A world where nothing dark will be explained, admitted or shown. That would be the most scariest world for me to live in. Because it would fuel cruelty and abuse in many ways. You only have to watch the latest Roman Catholic Church abuse scandals for that and how they were handled.  When no one ever shouts and shows a dark side back  . . . . .  the one of resistance, force and anger, we would totally fuck up our ethical awareness and responsibilities to keep the world a place where justice can be sought or at least someone’s acts can be questioned.


There is no truth, only perception

Yes I know that one. Love it at times, but not always. Take the real Hitler. That most certainly was not a perception was it? Some truths are undeniable. Like one and one is two and not three. Like my gender is female and not male.  You can discuss the level of evil of course. There is evil and EVIL. Second Life evil I consider minor shit in most cases. But it can feel like major when it concerns a love issue. Overtime all will soften and calm down however and that makes Second Life still a reasonable safe place to hang around. We can seek other friends and lovers when we feel betrayed, mistreated or harassed. We can also make peace after a while and laugh at all. All depends on the intensity of a ‘crime’ and the consequences of it. Some damages can be undone, others cannot probably. But do me one a favour please. Wear your shadow tag without denying it and when you see mine  . . .  know I am just like you, trying  to survive in a world full of conspiracies, stalkers, spies and gossipers, feeding all kinds of paranoia and distrust when we have no opportunity to get satisfying answers or find answers that kill our believe in the other.  We all can act like shit and your shit smells as bad as mine :)


Back to Antony and the Johnsons (and flowers)

The lyrics of ‘hitler in my heart’ I find touching. To so honestly accept there can be a longing and need to walk with your shadow and show its force. But the most beautiful thing he says is this:

From the corpses flowers grow

I think that can be called the benefit of all hitlers in a heart. Wars are terrible, always, even when there is a form of justice in them. To know flowers will grow again after that, strong and proud, provides hope to not have to be in war forever. We can move on in a new direction, together or alone with the ones we battled with. We can settle down in a new field of flowers and blossom like never before. Like the phoenix rising from its ashes, like the volcano making fertile grounds by erupting its lava. Like a flower sharing its scent and beauty.

Therefore another song, handed to me last week by Eupalinos Ugajin. It also is in his stream which you can apply as your music stream in Second Life if you have your own parcel. Probably the  best music stream in SL. Not endless however . . .  so be quick. When his Avaloir installation in Second Life ends in a few months the stream may end to exist as well, or go to sleep till the next installation :)


Second Life stream: http://eupalinos.pulse-streaming.com:8327


Yaron Herman – Variations – Blossom (Var.1)



P.S. 1

More on the shadow theory of Jung can be read below:
Shadow guide Carl Gustav Jung


P. S. 2

I used old pics because too lazy to make new ones for this blog. So you will see my old avatar face  this time.


P.S. 3

I am not seeking confirmation by sharing this blog. I do not feel like some victim either, just faced my shadow side and the ones of others.  And I always like to present my analysis and thoughts after what happened or could happen in a future, for myself in the first place, because it helps me to settle things in my head and because I like to write and reflect on SL/ RL matters we all can relate to I think.  And no I did not kill my lover. He is not the subject of my war zones in SL (well not now at least :P ).  Last but not least: I think most people are good people, myself including. But we all are capable to act bad. When that happens it can be good to walk away, unless there is room for peace. For now I walk away from certain scenes. It feels good and bad both. Peace always is better.

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