Checking reality is a popular thing in SL. The number of people convinced and motivated to tell you Second Life is the same as Real Life is endless. I agree mostly but not always. Of course we cannot be anyone else than ourselves, even not when playing a role in another gender or character. We are who we are and that always will show in how we act in Second Life. If we are troubled in Real Life it will have an effect on our virtual existence and the other way around as well. So far so good, SL and RL cannot escape each other.
It is for that reason I never believe ( cannot believe) picture perfect profiles with only positive, happy and sunny character descriptions. Such characters do not exist and for me try to escape from that BEING REAL they also claim to be. It is like the modern world we live in where being unhappy is being marked as unwanted, your own fault or a choice you have to fix. Being not the perfect happy person 100% of your time is not allowed somehow anymore and you will be advised to do mindfulness or whatever to find peace and harmony. It makes me feel very very uncomfortable to have that kind of programmed mood managing. I prefer so much more the raw thing, with feelings and emotions being expressed in their own blatant way and unfiltered strength. I like other people to do that as well when they have a bad time. It does not always mean it will be nasty, with shouting and swear words and battles, though I have no problem with that to happen as well when it just has to be done that way for someone who feels like that. It also does not mean the end of a contact when that contact is a valued one. It only is a vacuum in time. where the other and you cannot talk well together and feel different, but still appreciate each others company anyway.
Is it a bad thing one can ask to show yourself as perfect or almost perfect? Is it bad to seek peace in mindfulness and positive I LOVE YOU ALL approaches? I think it can be, depending on how much you start to believe in it in Second Life to supposedly be so perfect and harmless and sweet and gentle, when you deep inside feel it totally different and will share the other darker thoughts with a few close friends only, because it has to stay a secret hidden thing that does not fit in the perfect image that has been created. Is that politeness to hide the darker side in you? Is it a kind gesture to the world to only show them the mindful you and meanwhile crash in that same mind? To me it is at least silly and not real. To play a role is one thing, but to deny who you are and what you feel is making your Second Life a fake one. It will not make you more happy either because how more we as humans suppress, the more complex it is to feel ok. If you do not recognise your SL avatar’s soul in your RL soul anymore I think something went wrong. Self-promotion of course will always be a bit selective with emphasis on our good elements, but it has to stay in a realistic modus that also shows that other side and not being ashamed to show it. It is perfectly (!) OK to fall from one’s pedestal at times. There is no reason to be afraid for that as well as no reason to fear there is no way back to the more accepted manners and feelings. It makes your avatar human you know? And as avatar we are capable to recover in the same way as humans do. Look back, reflect, feel sorry, feel relieved, feel silly, feel satisfied and whatever , but first and foremost realise it was needed to overcome a certain obstacle in yourself, another, the world etc.
Harm can be done
Yes that’s possible. It can be rough, not subtle and not chic. I personally do not mind too much where it concerns Second Life. I do not mean to promote it or feel good with it, but I do see it sometimes is inevitable to be like that if you want to stay real and not the ‘covered in jelly person’ no one ever will taste the less sweet core from. We all say love for instance is bittersweet. But when we are asked to describe ourselves we tend to only show the sweet and hide the bitter, to keep up appearances and not lose a certain status of perfection and wisdom. I do not like men always dressed in these spotless suits for instance, not in RL and not in SL. It is too much glamour and shine for me to feel that person as genuine. I know that sounds kind of narrow minded, but considering how clothes design and shape how you want to present yourself to the world I think it says a lot. For a day, ok, for always . . . ewww, get real and show a bit less polish. When harm is done by showing a real part of you less perfect than the other real part of you, we can learn to relax on that when time passes and to not stay bitter or look at the other like that. Not easy however and also will not always work of course. That’s ok as well, and sometimes things just are like that.
We have the power to make choices yes. But not at a programmed moment. Often time or something radical that triggers us makes us decide to go this way or that way. We even can choose to change that way again due to new experiences and insights. We can walk away and never come back, we can walk away and come back 100 times. We can walk away and wait for the other to walk the same way or we can wait and stay behind with no one coming. Not every path will have the expected end or wish to be fulfilled. But I think the best choice we can and should make in SL AND RL is to stay close to YOU and who you are. To not hide for what makes you emotional, sensitive, passionate, angry, sad and happy. To show the REAL you in all its imperfection is the best way to survive any life, be it SL or RL. Playing another you is nice for theatre. To be out of control is ok, unless it sticks to yourself and does not go away anymore.
We all know that phrase in profiles as well. It is utterly dramatic in itself to put that in a profile in the first place. And it’s useless as well because you cannot rule out drama with making it a statement in a profile. Like you also cannot rule out falling in love with someone. It just happens when there is a trigger and when the emotions go high. It may be terribly sentimental and horribly cheap, but it is part of us all and no one is free of it. Claims to never do or have drama I kindly (or maybe frantically) guide to the trash bin for being just a mask. So how real are you, am I , are we? No one will be totally real, because that can be too much and make you very vulnerable and too well known for others to abuse. But there is a big space between unreal and totally real. For me I like to see it close to real and less magic and sweetness. I like to see someone explode or myself at times. Not at that specific moment maybe, because it raises your tension, but soon after that I find it a good thing to see the human in myself and in the other. That’s why I would totally fail as politician. Too much fake. On the other hand I do have a certain admiration for them as well and the same for diplomats, because they are able to make their ego smaller than a personal goal and persist in reaching bigger goals. I suppose each one it’s own preferences in all of this and now you know mine, if not already aware of that :) Oh and yes I am happy, very happy even, but that does not make me better than a not so happy person or the other way around. Basically we all are ok, just we cannot always tolerate every other person. But you know what, that’s ok too. I don’t do bible things like loving everyone. Always have found that a silly thing.